Monday, June 30, 2008
2:52 PM
I'm thinking and wondering wat's happening to me.. i'm becoming more and more quick tempered.. i kept venting my anger on marc.. i kept feeling unhappy for no reason.. mayb there's reason but i'm running away from it.. i duno... I've been feeling on the verge of tears for no reason.. someone help me pls... i'm goin bonkers i tink..
Training finally resumed.. onli like 12 ppl turned up for training.. There someone who told me they're coming ended up disappearing.. come on..grow up.. be responsible! We had fun though, was like only playing 5 on 5 throughout the whole training. And Xingying's back =) i hope she could stay even when her uni sem starts... cos i noe uni has very busy schedules. Jia You ba! Got to know tt DOS is sponsoring hkn now.. was quite surprised as Uncle andrew once told me he dun like MJ. Weird weird. After training, i went to meet marc for dinner. The attacks for my headaches is becoming worst... tt's sat aft training it was terrible.. i'm sorry i made u worry.. and it was then marc told me tt mayb the reason why i always cant hear wat he's saying is bcos of my headache.. mayb it's true.. mayb... but i noe the headache slows my activity.. it just affect my everyting.
Sunday went to Eric's baby shower. She's beautiful. And marc was saying tt no boy is more handsome than Ian. i believe too... Ian is the son of Robin n Aryuko. He's mixed bcos his dad is sg n his mom is a Jap. So.. the look is rather exotic and handsome is the word. Rika who's Robin and Aryuko's second child looks so beautiful too.. it's like the product of a jap n a sg is a perfect combination. hahahhaa it's a pity i'm not a jap or a eurasian. hahaha After tt we went to Tiong baruh plaza to watch WANTED. It's a interesting tho it's a bit exagerrating. hahaha. love it tho. Guess who i saw when i came out? Lob! hahahahaha. was so happy to see her =) After the show i wanted to go home.. sorry baby i spoil ur day again. =(
I'm thinking too much i tink... stressing myself too much too.. been unhappy and moody. i wasnt like tt in the past. duno wat's gotten into me. Anyway baby's sick now.. i hope he's ok soon... pls be ok... i'm so worried..........JIA U.....
Thursday, June 19, 2008
5:09 PM
Wasnt feeling good today.. Had 5 runs to the toilet the whole day... Now i'm feeling like thousands of needles piercing my head right now... The head weighs a thousand kg... =( My eyes are closing as i type on the keyboard.. I was really working the whole day today... Marc's feeling so stress everyday.. i hope tomorrow will be better for him... JIA U...
Yesterday i had a great news! My mom actually told me not to take bank loan for my studies.. she told me to use my dad's money which was supposed to be bro's education fund but of cos i haf to return otherwise my bro neednt go to uni. But it surprise me alright. I'm so relief to know tt too.. right now the burden of returning the interest and loan to the bank was gone! Right now everything would be even easier now. I'm so happy. =) Thanks Mom & Dad!
i tink tt's it for today.. i'm not feeling well.....
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
9:29 AM
It's a long long way to brisbane..
Weekend's great.. saturday was busy.. went to IDP earli in the morning. Talk to the ppl there and got all my doubts and questions answered. But actuali it's no difference from finding the answers from the net lo. haha But he's frenly enough to confirm all my questions. So, Brisbane or Perth.. i tink i'll go for Brisbane altho i wanted to take LA so much. Money is a big issue if i wanted to take LA, so the only choice i had is Brisbane- horti. It's isnt tt bad either cos i like plants too. After that, marc drove me to redhill where i took train home and he drove to work. He's been so stressful with his work till he need to come back even on sat. Before that we went to Botantic Garden food court to have our lunch. I love the duck rice there! And it's been like 2 years since i last went!~ hahaha! i'm so satisfied! hehe.. Aft tt went home to wait for time to pass to go training. But... Training was cancelled. SAD. Due to the low attendance, the training is cancelled. I was like talking to phyllis online about the training. I'm sad because it seems that everyone is not focusing on training... everyone seems abit bo xim in training hard for the Women's open this yr. Gals, altho the competition is still far away.... but practice makes perfect. And rmb, our stamina sucks. I really hope to play my last year with no regrets with all of u. I'm serious. I'm leaving next yr. I even haf to give up ngee ann alumni. I hope everyone will be training hard. And i wan to leave with beautiful memories. Win or lose doesnt matter the most, it's hw untied we stand. It's the process of us fighting.. fighting our very best... JIA U hkn...
Sunday was a slacking day... Bro came n stayed in Marc's house. we went swimming and slacking.. End of the day, we went to eat father's day dinner with my dad. Everyting was fine and well... thanks baby...
Yesterday had some quarrels with marc. Not exactly quarrels but onli my side. I was angry with marc bcos the way he trys to ask me someting or tell me something make me felt fustrated. It's like one moment he encourages me and scolded me for giving up my dreams, another moment he asked me whether study is so impt to me. I misunderstood him and i was so angry with him. But he kept his temper cool all the way just for me. Thanks baby.. i'm so sorry too. After tt then i noe, it's just his worries.. he worries alot.. alot more than me.. he's just afraid he'll fail there and he wont be able to support me with good life.. baby, it's alright.. i dun need good life... i just wan to be with u tt's all.. it's not abt me sharing ur happy times only... but it's abt me being with u regardless u're successful or failure baby.. It's because i wanna share all the responsibility, but u always keep them away from me.. i dun wan u to shelter me all the way.. i wan to share the burden with u baby... pls pls.. learn to share with me... i love u..
Aft tt i went to ngee ann training.. training was tiring but great.. cant stand the fact that we lost to the juniors man!!! i dun believe it man... haaha they are good.. but we aint tt bad too! hahaha... So long never see bob le.. finally she's back! Was great playing with her again altho we are nv reali in the same team b4.. =) But i do love playing with her... Aft tt we went to eat tgt with the juniors. Jan didnt join, duno wat happened to her but i hope she's ok.. Jo, JIA U too hor! you can do it~!
Today is another day.. i hope marc's work wont be as stressful.. JIA U EVERYONE! =)
loves!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
10:34 AM
It's a bright beginning right now.. after quarrelling with my parents and all, my parents nod with slight dismay. The nodding just excites me and make me so happy. Marcus told his mom about our plans also, to my surprised, she didnt object but she's overwhelmed by the decision. That's actually expected reaction by marc, but to normal parents i think they will not be happy. Weird Weird. Well, at least it's a good start for me right now.. I'm so looking forward to everything! I'll be going to the IDP this coming saturday to enquire everything on my course. So, might be applying then too.
Right now everything has gone smoothly and i really hope nothing would screw up. I hope baby will get his work permit successfully and we could be there together, if not i'll be alone.
Couldnt work today, all my designs just dun seem to work and piece together.. I kept erasing and re-drawing them all over again. I've been thinking alot alot. =) I hope everything will go well... i'm praying.. If marc's goin, i'll definately bring lion over because it will be for sure that i'll stay more than a yr. So... i cant leave lion off sight... so, he'll has to sacrifice the motherly love from my mom, his fantastic home-cooked dinner and the tolerance to air pressure on the plane. Sorry darling..HUGS
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
10:27 AM
Ytd i am so sure and firm tt i wanna go brisbane and study, i even found pekpek to adopt my 3 lovely hamsters. Today, right now, i'm so unsure again. I had a big quarrel with my parents ytd abt this. They actuali objected the idea of me studying aboard. I noe i could just go even they object.. bcos i'm no longer a kid anymore..but all i wan is their support! And when i ask them, they just keep quiet. They even say they'll onli support me if onli i were to study in singapore. I explained to them a thousand times the reason for studying aboard.. but they just dun understand. Ytd my mom ask me, "Can u reali make up to uni?" i felt so offended! I'm ur daughter, why cant u just trust n be confident with ur daughter than to doubt her ability? I reali dun understand them. Of cos as marc describe me as a walking time bomb, i exploded ytd to my parents. I was saying why n hw can i just be their perfect daughter? why must they always say hw good other daugthers are compare to us. Aint we good? why must u make those comparison? They are making me super fed up ytd.
I was still determined to go aft thos quarrels but... now tt i saw marc's blog.. i've nth to say.. i duno wat to do. I broke up his plans n all our future plans. I made him feel uncertain abt our future.. i made him leave this safe zone.. and i made him questioned his future and career. And i've forgotten.. he's not young anymore to take all these nonsense with me.. mayb dreams can onli be dreams... there's some point of time, cinderella didnt meet her fairy godmother and her wish didnt come true at all...
I'm so confused.
Monday, June 9, 2008
10:49 AM
I didnt noe the decision i've made will cause so much commotion. I didnt noe the thought of pursuing a degree will made marc so stressful n fustrated. I'm sorry. If i know u'll be like tt, mayb i wont even mention abt it. He's just always trying to make my every single dream come true. He bought a laptop, a phillippe starck watch for me just bcos it was written on my blog and my previous old blog. -____- Thanks baby.... Thanks for always tinking abt me..
Thinking for so long... i'll made a final decision soon. Marc will be goin to brisbane with me if i nod my head. He say he'll find a job there and work there, with me studying. i'll be a dream come true i noe, but it'll be tough on us. He had to sacrifice his career here, his plans dwn here and everyting to just go with me. I didnt noe wat to say. If i wanted to join the feb admission, marc says he'll go there in nov or dec to settle dwn there first b4 i come.. He's just always tinking everyting for me. He'll find accomodation and everyting for us. Then when i come, everyting is settled. I m dumbfounded when he told me this. I didnt noe wat to say. I'm sorry baby... U made me felt so loved.. thanks baby..
This yr will be my final yr of basketball. If i nv leave, i tink i wont stop. So this will put to the stop of everyting. Right now, it's just me... whether i wan to go anot.. whether i'm able to leave everyting here and go for my dream anot.. whether i'm letting marc suffer with me anot.. i duno...
Friday, June 6, 2008
2:16 PM
I've pray for the day to come.. looking ways n means to go.. n i once gave up. Gave up the idea to study overseas.. I was tinking abt tt this whole week when all my frens encourage me to study again. I looked for loans, schs and course fee n everyting. But everyting is just so expensive! My big prob is now money. Can anyone tell me what i could do? I wanted to give up bcos there's nth much i could do if i reali wan to go. My parents' are not goin to sponsor me at all, not even the interest. I was tinking of take study loan, and maybe they could help me alittle on the interest part, but after last night i knew it's impossible to ask them for help. Why wat ever tings i do or plan to do, they'll surely discourage me. why? not even words of encouragement. I so fed-up. Why is it me tt i haf to give up my studies for my sis n bro? why is it that they can study wat they wan and i had to do it myself? I'm so sick abt everyting. They ytd told me they had an issurance policy for me, but u know wat? They cancel all the siblings' policy except mine bcos it was a MISTAKE. They are supposed to haf my bro's but the insurance agent got it wrong n cancel all except mine, so they say they kept mine. i was like WTF ytd!
This is life, reality... it's not watever u wan or wan to do, u can haf it or do. It's not tt i'm not trying hard. But it always seem so far away... You could go with ease, but i cant.. i need to depend on myself.. it's not as simple as i tink. it's so difficult.. I felt like giving up.. =(
